The Idiot That Would Never Leave

Have you ever had some stranger, possibly someone you are dealing with as their server/barista/cashwrap person who wouldn't shut up, who wouldn't stop talking to you about things you really couldn't give a shit about? That you just wanted to do your job and get them out of your ass as fast as possible, but they wouldn't stop talking?

Yeah well, today that idiot who wouldn't shut up, that was me.

I was foraging for chocolate at the local biosphere (Fred Meyer) and who accosted me in the foyer? Freakin Girl Scouts. It was then that I remembered that I had CASH burning a hole in my pocket. Cash that was begging to be spent on chocolate.

As I eagerly purchased my three boxes of cookies, I began to yammer on and on about my fond memories selling girl scout cookies. The girl scouts I wanted to bond with totally ignored me. The mom shoved the boxes in my hand and politely pretended to be interested. I began to wax poetic about how much I love the damn cookies until the mom interrupted me with, "Well, its a good thing they only come out once a year!" Her gaze flicked about the foyer, looking for more people to tell the girls to accost. Still I stood there, clutching my prizes, money exchanged, no need to be still standing there, and I started talking AGAIN. "I like to buy lots of them and freeze them!" What a dork.

The mom looked at me in surprise, partly because I was still standing there, and mostly because I was still standing there and talking at her, and then I felt compelled to keep talking at her: "You know what's really good," I excitedly exclaimed, "Frozen Thin Mints with lemon sorbet on a hot summer day." I said this all excited, because I had finally figured out that I was being that idiot who never leaves, and I hoped that if I rocked her world with this culinary gem she might be thankful enough to pretend we both didn't know I had overstayed my welcome. "Ooh, I'll have to try that," she placatingly said to me. I'm sure she was frantically trying to get security to come over and take me away by this point. Finally the part of my brain that had been screaming "shut up! go to your car!" at the rest of me broke through the crazy barrier and I scurried off to my car. Like a total idiot.

This is the thing; I HATED selling the fucking cookies door to door. I NEVER sold enough to win the stupid prize or get the badge or whatever. I DREADED girl scout cookie time. It is probably the reason I drank so much when I was 16. All that repressed angst and dread.

As much as I hated selling the stupid cookies, I loved eating them. And I still do.