Saturday, January 28, 2006

Love. Health. Sexuality.

I wish I was going to tell you the story of the chocolate hazelnut mousse with the dark chocolate glaze on the chocolate hazelnut shortbread, but I'm not. Instead tonight's story is about what we do for the people we love.

January 27, 2006
Occasion: Stinky Came Down To See Me In The Middle Of The Night
Name of Cake: For The Love of Whole Wheat Pastry Flour
Constituents: Chocolate Bread made with WWPF and milled cane sugar

I think my WWPF is rancid.

Anyway. Decided to make a cake for Stinky as a way to say thank you for deciding at 4 pm to drive down after work and spend the night. The cake was finished by 2 am. He got here around 4 am.

Milled cane sugar. If I’m really going to use it; I need to process it for a few minutes in the food processor because the grains are too large; they don’t dissolve after mixing up the batter. Damn. Lazy and more appliances to wash vs better taste and health. That’s a hard one.

WWPF. Would have been better if it wasn’t rancid. The taste of the old oils in the bran totally overpower the cake. Damn.

Dense cake. Not too bad. Just needs fresher flour.

PS: According to Michel Odent, love, health, and sexuality are all a function of the same biological functions, namely your immune system and your endocrine system. These two systems are so intricately linked, he says, that you can't separate them out in terms of importance on love, health, and sexuality, which he also says are so intricately linked you really can't separate them out, either.)

Friday, January 20, 2006

Give The Cake A Martini

First cake of 2006!

January 19, 2006
Occasion: An End, and A Beginning
Name of Cake: Chocolate Souffle Cake with Orange Caramel Sauce
Constituents: Duh.

This is a recipe from some foodie mag Zetta was looking at. It is pretty similar to RLB’s chocolate truffle cake in that it is a flourless chocolate cake, but there are some serious differences in ingredients and method:

1. same amount of butter and eggs BUT only 9 oz of chocolate, instead of one whole pound
2. extra ingredients like sugar (?) and salt. Why more sugar?
3. you put a pan of hot water in the oven BUT you don’t use it as a hot water bath.
4. you bake it for one full hour; the top should crack and look dry at the end of the bake.
5. you don’t need to refrigerate it for 5,000 hours before serving

I departed from the recipe in the following ways:

1. I melted the butter and chocolate in a double boiler, instead of right on the stove. Didn’t want a burnt chocolate soufflé cake with orange caramel sauce.
2. I used lightly milled cane sugar instead of white sugar. Mostly because I thought the molasses in the cane sugar would marry well with the orange caramel sauce.
3. I folded the egg whites into the chocolate mixture; stirring them in would have been stupid.
4. I added about ¾ of a seventh egg yolk, because, you know, the egg yolk conspiracy.

Seriously. Adding sugar to the cake and then serving it with caramel sauce? It sounds really freakin sweet. But we shall see. Maybe I’ll be pleasantly surprised.

So when this cake came out of the oven it was as tall as the springform pan (3 inches) and after letting it cool for 10 minutes it fell 1 ½ inches…and it looks all sad and deflated now. I know it is supposed to deflate, but the poor cake looks like it had a grueling day at work. You want to put it's feet up on the ottoman and give it a martini and a shoulder rub.

(1/20) So the soufflé fell. A lot. It was a tiny, dense little disc this morning when I took it out of the refrigerator, maybe ¾ inch high. I guess I didn’t beat up the eggs enough. Or do you think it has to do with the pan running out of water? Probably the eggs.

However, this sucker was mighty tasty. Even though it was a dense little mass it tasted very light and chocolately, but not too much so. Not too rich, not even too sweet, surprisingly. Quite nice. It would make a good breakfast cake.

The caramel orange sauce. I used the milled cane sugar for the caramel, and as soon as the sugar melted in the pan it began to smell burnt—like it should—so I thought it was pretty much done—it had the characteristic caramelly brown color—so I went ahead and added the orange zest and after a bit the orange juice and stirred it up like I was supposed to and poured it out of the pan to let it cool and then we tasted it, and it was very bitterly orange, and not so caramelly.

Will have to work on that I guess.

Okay. I just found a picture of the cake on the epicurious website and their cake is a tiny little disc too. I guess that’s just how its supposed to be.

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Packed With Peanuts

I am going through some sort of peanut butter phase. I am craving it like crazy. But not just regular ol' peanut butter; oh no, I am craving the sweetened kind like in a dessert. Like a peanut butter pie, or a newman's peanut butter cup, or chocolate peanut butter ice cream, or even a nutella peanut butter sandwich on toasted bread.

I ended up buying a pint of ben and jerry's crunchy peanut butter thing: peanut butter ice cream with chocolate covered peanuts and a crunchy fudge swirl. And it was on sale. It was like it was meant to be.

I am noticing that around ovulation (ie, NOW) I crave fat more than I crave sugar. What do you health care practitioners think of that?

July 22, 2004
Joelfre’s 31st Birthday
Yummy Peanut Butter Chocolate Cake
Chocolate butter cake (one layer)
Peanut Butter Frosting

I researched peanut butter frosting and the one I liked the best has cream cheese in it! Yum. But, it also calls for peanut oil…isn’t peanut butter oily enough? And we add cream cheese and butter! Isn’t that enough oil?? They also call for powdered sugar, which with the cornstarch will make it thicker, so I thought I’d use regular sugar (or half granulated and half powdered) and omit the oil and add milk if I need to thin it out…I’ll let you know how it turns out…

1/2 c. peanut butter
1 pkg. (3 oz.) cream cheese
1 tbsp. butter
1 box confectioner's sugar
1/4 c. peanut oil (may substitute Crisco oil)
1 tsp. vanilla
1 egg white

Mix all ingredients together until spreading consistency. (I had to use a little milk to make my frosting spread better.)Mix all ingredients together. Beat until smooth frosting is formed.

(7/26) I used half a cup of superfine sugar and half a cup of powdered sugar, no egg white, and enough milk to thin it out, and it came out just fine. I also added a pinch of salt b/c I had unsalted peanut butter. It was fine. It spread well, held up well, didn’t spoil, and tasted yummy. You could taste the cream cheese just as a hint in the background—it could have been a little more prevalent. The vanilla really made a difference.

This recipe is enough to frost one 9 in cake.

Saturday, January 14, 2006

Eat My Camel

I have been wandering around blogspot looking at other blogs (boredom!) and I stumbled across the blog for the UAE community. From reading the blog, I discovered that there is a doll for the middle east named Fulla who is out selling Barbie. She comes complete with veil and pink prayer rug. They made her look very pretty, and in my opinion, very white. But, hey, I'm all for dolls that represent other cultures; I am very against this world domination of The American Ideal. But enough about my politics.

The reson why I even bring up this blog is that apparently a Viennese chocolatier is making milk chocolates using camel's milk! They are planning on marketing these camel chocolates to wealthy hotel guests in the UAE. I wonder if I can get them mail order. I am just so curious. Has anybody ever tried camel's milk???

Freakin Camel's Milk Chocolate. I love the idea of it.

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Gotta Have That Funk

I am in a cake funk; I have no special occasion to bake a cake for (although Zetta says I should bake her a cake because she decided to rent a space on the mountain). I need a special occasion otherwise delicious and terrible baked goods would start to overtake all counter space in my tiny kitchen and would eventually end up on my already very ample hips and ass.

So no new exciting posts for you. Just a post about the giant log I made for a special occasion that ended up being an evening of talking about poo in all its smelly glory.

September 17, 2005
Punkins Love Each Other
Chocolate LOG (aka Giant Gourmet Ho-Ho)
A flourless chocolate soufflé rolled around mocha whipped cream with toasted hazelnuts
A serious dusting of cocoa powder

(9/13) Zetta has invited the punkins over for dinner and socializing Saturday and she assigned me the task of dessert. Her request: chocolate cake. So, a chocolate cake I will make. I am ready to branch out from butter cakes as of this moment. I love the freakin butter cake, but there are so many other options for dessert…I was thinking of the chocolate genoise with a Kahlua syrup, and some sort of frosting. But then I thought of the chocolate cherry almond pound cake (calls for brandied burgundy cherries) (which I don’t think we have enough of here). And then I thought of the simple chocolate bread and bringing over some of the last of the summer berries and mascarpone. And then as I was flipping through The Book last night I came upon this hidden recipe for a berry meringue tart. What is this??

RLB sneaks the recipe at the end of her quick crème fraiche recipe, exactly where one would look for a berry meringue tart. You make three meringue discs, and layer between the discs a cup of the crème fraiche and a handful of berries. You top the tart with another cup of crème fraiche and berries. If you serve it right away the tart will still have a crunch, but if you wait a while your tart will be softer. But again, the textures—I love the textures!!

And then my mind began racing with the possibilities: choc meringue discs, sweetened mascarpone (I love the stuff), strawberries or cherries, maybe even curls of bittersweet chocolate…even roasted (fresh) apricots with a little drizzle of honey, plain meringue, mascarpone, bittersweet chocolate curls.

You could go all sorts of crazy with this recipe.

(9/20) I ended up making a log. A giant ho-ho. Chocolate sushi roll. I wanted something light and I wanted to do something I hadn’t done before. I would have done the berry meringue tart but no more berries, and I would have needed to bake the meringues the day before.

The cake for the log is gluten free which is really cool. I had to beat up the yolks separate from the whites and it would have been nice to have had either a hand mixer or another kitchen aid bowl. I cheated and held a Pyrex mixing bowl under the kitchen aid beater. Don’t try this at home, kids.

I’m not so sure I would add the toasted hazelnuts again…somehow I think raspberry, coffee/mocha, and toasted hazelnuts (or toffee) go great together but they don’t really! I’m not so sure I would use the mocha whip cream again, although it turned out really well. Hmm. Dunno. Also, the outside of the log wasn’t so pretty which is why I dusted the hell out of it with cocoa powder. What else would I do? The cake is so light and airy I wouldn’t really want a ganache glaze on it. More whip cream? Maybe the thick kind…hmm.

I think there is an egg conspiracy. I always need more yolks than the number of eggs she calls for—this time I needed eight egg yolks to get the proper grams of what should have been 6 yolks. I think chicken keepers are getting their girls to lay eggs with less yolk so that they can make eggs look healthier in nutrition facts. That’s my theory.

Saturday, January 07, 2006

More Of My Raunchy Humor For Your Pleasure

Oh my god. I just checked out sitemeter to see who's been reading my blog, and one person queried "vaginas yummy vaginas" on msn and I CAME UP ON THE FIRST PAGE.

AND, two queries on msn for "eat my cock" have led people to my blog. Dammit, WHY didn't I call my blog Eat My Cock: Cock is good food. I could have been the evil cock lady.

More Of My Twisted Humor For Your Pleasure

I got a text message at 5:53 am on December 28th, which freaked me out because 1. none of my doula clients should be going in to labor yet and 2. it was the butt crack o' dawn.

When my bleary and panicked eyes adjusted to the text, I saw it was from Miss ShimmeringSong and it was a very cryptic text that I didn't understand until way later in the day when I re-read it. It went a little something like this: "fun at disney mega tree in lobby of californian top third ablaze three am seven floors evacuated just started to return at six am."

Translation: a christmas tree in the lobby of a disneyland hotel caught fire in the middle of the night.

Hell yeah. She got a picture of it and everything. Check it out here.

I just think that is so fucking funny.

Friday, January 06, 2006


Baking resolutions for 2006:

1. embrace the bane of my existence (ganache)
2. pie crusts--stop being afraid!
3. more brandied burgundy cherries
4. teach everyone to love the genoise cakes
5. buy stock in neilsen-massey
6. maybe, just maybe, learn how to pipe icing
7. bacon-bacon cheesecake
8. gluten free cakes from scratch
9. a cupcake a day keeps the doctor away
10. take pictures of the stuff you bake, you fool

Monday, January 02, 2006

This Is SO Wrong

I finally went to Voodoo Doughnut and experienced the magic...which according to them is in the hole. I ate the Triple Chocolate Penetration: chocolate cake doughnut with chocolate frosting and cocoa puffs. Good times, good times.

Any doughnut shop that is open from 10 pm to 10 am, teaches swahili, and lets bands like Harry and the Potters play there is my kind of doughnut shop.

They didn't have one for sale, but they sell a doughnut shaped like a penis with testicles and filled with pastry cream. They call it, appropriately enough, the Cock and Balls.

We decided that they should make a vagina shaped doughnut, fill it with pastry cream and call it the Sloppy Seconds.